grandma shit on top of the toilet
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
