nut hugger
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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