Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
