just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
