im about as happy as oj after his trial
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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