The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
