the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
