I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
