the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
