i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
