Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Girls should come with a carfax report
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
