Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
