you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
