found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
