glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
