Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
