just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
vagina is talking i cant
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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