I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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