I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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