Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
