He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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