how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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