Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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