why didn't you poke me back
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
