I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just found puke in my bra..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
