hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
