but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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