Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
