and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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