You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
