she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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