She's JV to your varsity
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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