How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
