My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
