I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just want to make out with him forever
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
