I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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