His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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