My room smells like vodka and shame
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
