ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
