Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
