we're chasing vodka with high fives
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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