Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
