oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
