He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
