I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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