So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
