...so i touched it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How naked do you want me to be?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
