she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
