I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
