if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you never un-have a 4some
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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