yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
