a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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