I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
