i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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