she woke up with a sticky ear
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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